Strings

I opened the flood gates and now I need them to stop.  I have come to some kind of acceptance over Aaron, but now I am grappling with a new feeling.  A feeling of being totally cut off from him.  I found more comfort in knowing that he was out there, that I had a line to him, and now I just have a dangling string to what used to be.  I wanted the string severed so bad two years ago.  It hurt so much to see him.  My body wanted to reach out to him when I knew that I couldn't.  Maybe I am wanting some answers from him.  I want to know if my new understanding of our end is right.  That is something that I will never get.  I just have to realize that we freed each other.  He changed me, changed how I look at the world.  I don't know if that is good or bad yet, at times it is bad, too black and depressing.  But most of the time I feel that it is good.  

It all boils down to me dealing with not knowing anything about his life.  I have accepted my role in the end of relationship, now I have to deal with the fact that we are completely separate now.  I will never know where he is now.  I will never be connected to him.  I just have the dangling string of our past, I need to make a hat and stop weaving a noose.