WTF??

So, I was given permission to rewrite a paper for developmental, which I did.  I took it to the writing center, and got very little help, but added to my paper and what not, added discussion and clarified things.  And then I get my new grade today.

IT IS THE FUCKING SAME!!  What the HELL!

I was not expecting an A or anything, but damn, I turned a better paper in.  I did everything she told me to do and the writing center and I get nothing.  She said I could go and talk to her, but I know that if I do emotions will get in my way.  I get so angry when I think about that class, and anger makes me cry.  I am not good at expressing my anger, so it breaks lose in my tears.  I am not feeling sad or depressed about all of this like I was last week.  Now I am seething, boiling with anger.  I will probably go and talk to her since I don't know what she wants and neither did the nice man at the writing center.  So now I have to suck up my emotions and try not to cry and make myself talk because I tend to shut up when angry.  I am either silent or crying, odd little mixture I have here.  

I have been in brutal critics.  Crits were I cried in my studio space after.  Crits where I lost all confidence in my art and myself.  Hell, I even had a crit right after my show with a visiting artist that told me "The sculpture was too much for you to handle and the puzzle pieces do not clarify your idea, only confuse due to the lack of control."  I cried in my space for a while after that one.  But they were always something that I KNEW I could improve on.  Even asshole-artist-guy made some points.  Just not many that I agreed with, he just did not get my work.  I could improve my craftsmanship, but my ideas are sound.  Sure it made me feel useless, but I never doubted that it would make my work better.  But with this... I don't care if I get better, I just want to get a C.  I cannot have a fucking D on my record.  I am not a perfectionist, I gave up on straight A a long time ago, but this fucking class is the blight of my college career.

I am just going to have to suck it up and talk to the bitch.  And stop thinking of her as a bitch and thinking that she is a stupid-anal-A-type who knows jack shit about people over the age of 8.  I am just going to have to think positive about this.  That I need to do this to make me better.

-inhale, exhale- I can do this.