In my art therapy with children class we have been playing with toys to understand the importance of play therapy and imagination. I was the kid in my group this week and it brought a flood of memories to my mind. I even chose toys that reminded me of my horses and rubber animals that filled my barn.
I have a foggy memory of playing with those toys and with my Dad. It is more a remembrance of doing it. I remember him laying on the cold, hard rocks on the lake house, the barn he made for my toys in front of us. I have no idea what we played, what world I created there with him, but I remeber the feeling of acceptance. I know that we played Sheera in the kitchen. Running around the island with my wooden sword (something else that he made for me). I do remember having powers then, powers to make sure I always won. I could look like a rock, casue the kitchen was no longer a kitchen. I could make him go slower than me, whatever gave me an edge. I was always Sheera, and Dad always lost.
I created whole new worlds with my cousin Anna. We made trails in the woods above my grandmother's. And those trails would change, one day being the inner workings of a house, the grand halls to a hotel, the tight corridors of a pirate ship. We would talk to people who weren't there, made-up our perfect boyfriends, it was so natural for us. I don't remember when it stopped, when we out grew this play, but I feel that it lasted longer with her than others. I remember too much about it, too many details for it to have ended too soon in childhood.
I remember feeling playing alone in those woods, feelings of adventure that I still feel when I walk in the woods. When I was alone the play always had magic. Faries hiding in trees, animals that could talk to me, I was one with the forest spirits. I couldn't use magic with Anna, it was something that was taboo for her religion, but when I was in those woods alone, the whole world opened for me. There was always something threatening the balance of my woods, something that I had to stop with the use my powers, my horse and my wolf. I was normally telekeintic and could commune with nature. Calling up a wind if I needed it, or a bear to fight. But I always got the balance back.
Magical creatures were something that I could play with my other cousin Meghan. I remember being mermaids and dolphins in her pool in Florida. I can still feel the seaweed when we dove under the pool water, the fish that would swim beside us in our minds. And we were right there with each other, we never missed the beat of the other. I remeber her always wanting to be a cat. My Aunt Suzy loves to remind us of using toliet paper as a prop. But looking back on those memories, it was perfectly logical. It gave us powers to be animals, it was just a part of our imaginations.
In class I felt the same feeling of adventure, just not the speech that came with as a child. I could see the worlds that I created in my play with various rubber animals. I could see the sand blowing in Egypt, the water crashing as my ship sliced through it to the next adventure. I was a little shocked at how easily it all come back. I spent a good ten minutes just going through all the toys from my tub. Sorting them, touching each one, looking at it, sorting piles based on themes, standing them all up. Then each little pile became either its' own world or island. I went to Egypt, a giant insect world, a native American tribe, and traveled back in time to King Arthur's court. (Because my ship, which was made from the original tub, was magical and could go anywhere. And it is not important how I got there, just that I got there).
There were some themes in my play that related to my life. My main character, Jack, was an Indiana Jones type, wanting to learn all he could about other cultures. Erin, my play therapist, asked a lot about what Jack was feeling, was he scared of the Egyptian tomb? NO! Well, yes but he thinks that knowledge is more important. And he knows how to handle himself. Jack and his crew got thrown back in time by a horrible storm Erin asked if Jack was worried about getting home. Nope, he goes with the flow, believes that he will get back when he gets back. He lives in the present.
Everything that Jack felt, I felt. The need for knowledge, adventure and having to make the best of everything. It amazed me that while we were talking after how much of my play was mirrored in my life, or in my dreams. At first I had tried to make a bad guy, but I decided I wanted to go exploring instead. I avoided any real conflict, and any that arouse I just went with it. Trying to find the silver lining and learn all that I could in whatever world I was in. Which I feel I do it real life. I might hate being here in PA, but it is what I need to get to goals. I am here, so I might as well try and get something from it.
Playing was fun. It was nice to act something out like that, like I was a child again. I would be interested to see what would happen if I let myself play with my toys of youth alone. Let myself speak and see what world appeared. I might try that the next time I am home and record it to see if I work through anything in my play. Playing as a 24 year-old is strictly for educational purposes, not because now I miss my horses and animals from my youth..... or maybe it is.
